Will this be my one post for the next three years?
Over three years later and I am finally coming back to my blog. But really as I look back on my past blog posts, looks as though I am keeping up with a pattern.
I started this blog in 2015, and was very consistent. Made one post in 2016, and one in 2018. Took a few years off, then made a few posts in 2020. Three to be exact. So here I am picking things back up, and looking to break the pattern of a few stories every few years and create a more consistent routine. Because I keep coming back to “I like to write.”
As I reflect on why this has been such an on-pff relationship, I think it’s because at times I have doubted myself. Like do people really want to read about my races? Most athletes start their post race reflections with” well I’m not happy with how it went. Or race didn’t go as planned” and I got caught up in that narrative. Always criticizing my performance first, before celebrating the wins. Self doubt has also showed itself as “Am I really the expert on this topic?”. Yes Jessica you are. You are a certified personal training, group fitness instructor. Studied exercise science, and hold multiple certificates in said topics. You keep your CEC’s current along with all of your certifications. Girl talk about it already. You know your stuff. And self doubt did the same thing with my fitness somedays. Because life is wild and sometimes you can get a workout in, so here’s some ideas to move your body. But I again doubted “do people really want this? Or do they want videos? Should I be posting this on YouTube instead?” Which is another platform I started way back in the day, but let go of posting there. Maybe I’ll pick that back up this year as well.
Lots of feeling come up when I look back at the date of my last post. 2.3.20. It kind of gives me chills because a month later the world literally changed. Like in the biggest fucking way. You all know the story. And well the since March of 2020 my world has turned upside down.
We have gone through a global pandemic
I had to make a total pivot in my company that was only 1 year and 6 months old. Closing down a brand new (and very large) brick and mortar fitness studio and going 100% virtual with no tech or production experience.
I had a baby
went through PP depression and rage and lost myself
almost lost my studio, still working on saving it btw
in losing myself I have been consumed more than ever with self doubt. Been lost in comparison, struggled to find my light again, and have really questioned my why in life. Not suicidal but why did I choose fitness as a career when it’s not paying me a living wage, and I feel like I cannot take these skills and the skills of an entrepreneur into the “corporate” world. Y’all I have been so humbled trying to fill our my resume and translating 20 years of personal training and entrepreneurship into corporate skills.
I feel like I am re-inventing myself, but actually stepping back into my power with more experience under my belt.
August of 2022 was the month I started to feel more myself. Maybe hormones were finally settling, maybe I was fed up with feeling like this and decided to make a change. (I want to note that this is my experience and I know it’s not as easy as just deciding to change one day. Please seek out help and support if you are struggling. I think I could’ve felt so much better sooner, had I gotten help.) Whatever the change was, I felt ready to get back to me and back to what I love to do.
movement
helping and supporting people through movement
showing people that they are strong and powerful and enough as they are
bringing down the reign of power diet culture has in the “health & wellness” realm
So this brings me to here. Writing this post. An act of defiance against my self-doubt. I’m back and ready to shine brighter than ever, and help you shine so damn bright as well.